Being kind… It sounds so simple but yet is so complicated. In a family, kindness and siblings seem to be antonyms because it feels like they are at war with each other all the time.
Teaching our children to be kind is a life skill that will last them a lifetime. We see and hear about unkindness all around us every day in the news and I want our family to be different.
What do you do when your child is not being kind?
- Stop them immediately
- Remove them from the situation
- Discuss what happened
- Explore ways for them to fix their mistake
- Have them do it
In a large family, well, probably any sized family, unkindness is very common. We are around our family most of the time and we often take them for granted. Unfortunately, they are often the victims of our meanness.
We have a lot of kiddos around here that have strong ideas and opinions of there own. As they get older, they are getting louder with those opinions. Oftentimes, the way they share them is very unkind and hurts the other person’s feelings.
We have to teach our children that we want them to have their own opinion but they must be able to relay that opinion in a respectful way.
I hate to say this but do you know the best way to teach this concept? By modeling it! Yep, our children do what they see and so if we want them to be kind and show love, we must do the same thing.
Stop them immediately
In pretty much every situation, when I am seeing a character deficiency in my child, I stop them immediately from doing whatever they are involved in. When we are dealing with unkindness, there is a good chance someone is going to be hurt so I shut things down as quickly as I can.
Remove them from the situation
I remove them from the situation by pulling them to the side and if at all possible into another room. If a child has been hurt, then I attend to their needs first while all other involved parties wait patiently.
Discuss what happened
Once everything is calmed down, I question the children involved to find out what happened. I always keep in mind there are two sides to every story. Yes, someone may have been hit and it’s true, they are the victim but I am also interested in what might have caused them to be hit.
We talk about what we could have done differently and how we could have shown kindness. We talk about how our anger or pride caused us to be mean to someone else. We talk about how people are not for hurting.
Explore ways for them to fix their mistake
Now it’s time to fix their mistake. I explore with them ways they can fix their mistakes. If they broke something, can they fix it or do they need to replace it? If they hurt someone, can they ask for forgiveness and serve the other person in some way?
Have them do it
Once they have decided on the best course of action, they need to follow through with it. They need to understand that actions have consequences and those consequences have to be paid.
How to Teach Your Child Kindness
- Vocabulary
- Memory Verse
- Bible Story
- Activity
- Name the Behavior
Vocabulary
Teaching them the meaning of the character word is the place to start. Kindness means to be friendly, generous, and considerate. Being kind means to set aside our own wants and think of the other person.
Memory Verse
The good old golden rule is the best verse for this lesson. In Luke 6:31 it says “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.”
This verse says it all! Treat others the way you would want to be treated. If you wouldn’t want someone to say that about you then don’t say it about someone else. If you wouldn’t want someone to talk to you in that tone, then don’t do it to them. If you don’t want someone to hit you, then don’t hit them.
This is a good time to point out others are going to hurt us. This is a part of life that is sometimes hard to swallow even as an adult. However, we must still treat them how we would want to be treated even if we feel they don’t deserve it.
Bible Story
The parable of the Good Samaritan is the demonstration of ultimate kindness. A man was headed to Jerusalem when he was beaten and robbed and left on the side of the road to die. Several people passed by and instead of stopping to help the poor man, they went to the other side of the road and kept walking.
Finally, a Samaritan man came by and felt sorry for the man. He took him, cared for his wounds, and made arrangements for him to be taken care of by the innkeeper. All at his own expense.
This is the definition of true kindness. When we see someone in need and we go out of our way to comfort or care for them. It is in these moments we can be the hands and feet of God as we share His love with the hurting.
Did it cost the Samaritan man something to help the beaten man? Yes, it cost him money and time. He was willing to sacrifice both of those things to help someone else.
Activity
Chain Reactions
My favorite way of demonstrating kindness is by building chain reactions. I happened upon this idea by accident because Andy loves chain reactions.
The definition of a chain reaction is when a series of events is caused by the previous one.
Andy loves to build marble runs that when the marble rolls by it causes something else to start or happen. He also loves to build domino runs with chain reactions built into them.
The dominos inspired me to turn this concept into an object lesson. We got some dominos out and put some tape on them so we could write on them without permanently damaging them.
First, we did a chain reaction of being unkind. We brainstormed about what the chain reaction is when we are unkind to one another. Trust me, this wasn’t hard to do! For example, Person A takes a toy that causes Person B to yell. Then Person B gets mad and hits Person A. Person A starts crying and hits Person B back. Everyone is sad and really mad!
So we wrote the following words on the dominos:
- Takes toy
- Yells
- Hits
- Cries
- Hits
- Sad
- Mad
Then we set up a visual chain reaction in the order of our story, retelling it as we set it up. Then we set off the chain reaction to demonstrate how our actions have consequences and how our choices lead to things happening that become out of our control.
We took the tape off the dominos and reworked the same situation in a kind way. Person A takes a toy from Person B. Instead of getting mad, Person B engages person A in playing with the toy together. Person A and B have a good time playing a different version of their game.
So we wrote different words on the dominos to fit this new scenario:
- Takes toy
- Play
- Game
- Fun
Then we did the same thing again… We set up the visual chain of events, retelling the story as we set it up. This time the result was much better because it was a happy ending.
When we were done the kiddos wanted to tell their own versions and set up chain reactions to go with it. It worked really well and to this day we still talk about the chain reaction our behavior sets off.
Kindness Challenge
Being kind is an intentional habit that we all have to make and so I like to encourage this by hosting a kindness challenge. We set a box in our kitchen and lay index cards and pencils beside it. I encourage every child to do random acts of kindness, write it down on a card and then put it into the box.
We run this challenge for about a week and then plan a big reveal. We bake a special treat and gather around the kitchen table to read what we have done for each other in the past week.
It is truly a special moment as we all reminisce about how we showed kindness to someone else. The person who did the act of kindness feels a sense of accomplishment and is proud of their choices while the recipient feels loved.
Name the Behavior
We named this behavior “Kindness! What can you do?” It helps us to stop and think about how we can change our attitude or behavior to help someone instead of hurt them. We can do this even when they have hurt us and we want to retaliate in a mean way.
Free Lesson Plan Download
A free lesson plan is available for you to download! The first page is designed to hang where everyone can see it so we can be reminded of what it means to be kind. We hang ours in our kitchen because, well, everyone likes to eat every day. Ha! Ha!
The second page will serve as a lesson guide for you to teach your family. I have included the bible story and activity ideas.
This is great!
Love the golden rule!